While mindlessly rummaging through the center console compartment of my car in search of an elastic hair tie, I instead found a sizable knife. On the spectrum from zero to 100, where 0 = a butter knife and 100 = a machete, this nifty tool is easily in the 70th percentile, and if found during a "routine" search, it could be considered a deadly weapon.
For the record, I spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about what would happen if I got pulled over in traffic. If my car were searched -- legally or otherwise -- what would they find? Would it lead to my arrest? And this knife? Would land me beneath the jail.
In case you’re wondering, the knife wasn’t a complete surprise. I put it there. Why do I have this knife in the car, you might ask? Not for safety (because that's what the gun is for 🙂 ). I recognized it as one of the kitchen utility knives that I repurposed a few years (and cars) ago out of sheer frustration.
Circa 2012, while driving, I noticed my phone was about to die and dipped into a Radio Shack (remember those?) to buy a car charger that plugged into the auxiliary power outlet (formerly known as the cigarette lighter).
With 5% of remaining battery life, I foolishly thought I would quickly plug in the charger and go about my day. This should have taken about 90 seconds, yes?
The joke was on me.
I knew my plan was foiled when I reached into the flimsy store bag and retrieved an item that was secured in hard plastic molded packaging that was 75% larger than the charger itself. Certainly, there was perforated opening. Nope. I looked for a peel-back corner. No such luck. I broke a nail trying to pierce the packaging and sliced my hand open while attempting to rip apart the razor sharp plastic, all while wondering why a car charger should be hermetically sealed in the first place. Goddamn it, Tandy! Are you trying to protect me from it, or it from me? Why not just use kevlar?
With blood-stained hands and no chance of freeing the charger, I decided that I would rather have a dead phone than spend four hours in the ER to get 12 stitches. I angrily aborted mission on my remaining errands, went home, rifled through a drawer, retrieved a kitchen knife, returned to my car, and maniacally hacked open that package with the fervency and determination of an aggravated assailant.
Finally victorious, I wiped my bleeding hands and the residue from my steering wheel, plugged in the charger and decided to keep the knife hidden in the car to open future ridiculously secure packaging. I put a curse on Radio Shack and willed them to shutter their doors, three years later. :-) #manifestation
That knife remained, and has been transferred to each of my subsequent vehicles because I refuse to be a victim of plasticular homicide.
Needless to say, I'm annoyed by over-packaging and it completely gets on my nerves - especially having a 97-year-old father who often gives up after struggling to open most of the products that he purchases, including bottled water and his prescription drugs.
And I get it, I guess. Manufacturers have to protect themselves from the dumb and/or diabolical. Here's how I envision those crisis management meetings:
"Our products have been subject to a lot of shoplifting, so let's reduce incidents of theft by enlarging the packaging to 3x the size of the item so that it's difficult to stow them in a purse or pocket. While we're at it, let's also make it physically impossible to remove the item from the package without using a blowtorch."
"We've been sued because someone's unsupervised (and potentially mentally-challenged) child has mistaken pod detergent for candy. In response, let's child- and idiot-proof the package -- to the point where adults and seniors who simply want to launder their underwear can't open the container!"
"We're worried that someone will tamper with our bottles of water. Why not make the lid SO tight that a person with a reasonable amount of strength will need a wrench to quench his/her thirst?"
Now that I've told the story, who thinks that the need to open ridiculous packaging is a good defense against having a cleaver in the car? Also? My only hope is that nobody tampers with my favorite bourbons, which can presently be opened with just a quick twist of the wrist. As it should be.
I hate the plastic packaging!! As a mom, almost every toy I bought came in that kind of packaging. So many injuries, and my children likely learned every curse word they know as a result of watching me attempt to open them. 😂🤷🏻♀️